What a joke of a Potter
by fieryrabbit
Summary: Finally it's time for Lily to go to Hogwarts! Of course she will be a star student, why shouldn't she be? Isn't she the daughter of the famous Harry Potter! Unfortunately life get's in her way.
1. Chapter 1

All my life great things have been expected from me. I mean why not? I am the daughter of the one and only Harry Potter. Ever since I was born I've been destined for greatness, just like my father. It was no surprise at all when I got my letter, and I expect that the only surprises that will occur at Hogwarts will be how much I impress my teachers. Oh yes, I will succeed. Before you jump to any conclusions you should know who I am exactly.

My name is Lily Potter and I am 11 years old. I have 2 older brothers, Albus and James, but don't worry about them, they're both irrelevant in my life. Teddy used to live with us but now that he's 21 he's moved out, thank goodness for that!

Now we can continue with my amazing story.

Great right before we leave for the train the boys are horsing around in the next room. Very carefully I leave my room, careful not to disturb my school items that are the best of the best. Mum thinks that it's too extravagant for a first year, and keeps on reminding me how all HER things were hand me downs from her brothers. But honestly the only things that weren't brand new for me are the amazing dragon hide gloves from uncle Charlie.

By now it sounds like the boys have managed to destroy something. I'd better put a stop to this immaturity.

"Albus Severus Potter you and that Malfoy scum known as Scorpius had better shut your underage mouths or I shall hex you!" I hear a burst of laughter before they deign to answer me.

"Hex us? What a joke Lily. In fact, you're a joke! You have never in your life performed an actual spell." After hearing that I quickly started my preferred list of swears but just as I was getting to the best of it, something whammed right into my right temple. Before the black stars could overwhelm me, I saw my attacker. The Malfoy's only daughter: Noire Malfoy.


	2. Chapter 2 Noire Malfoy

When I finally come to there is evidently someone sitting next to me, so I keep my eyes closed while I figure things out in my mind. You must be confused, "why are all the Malfoy's in her house?" Before I can give you an explanation for that let me just say that we are not at my house. I live in a nice calm and orderly house, right now we are in…. well… let me just say we're staying at Burrow. There, now do you understand the chaos? Now you must be wondering "why are they at the Burrow?!" It's a little reunion that's going on. Not only are we here with the Malfoy's but all the cousins are here too. Aunt Luna and Uncle George brought their 5 kids: Lucy who is 12, Fred who is 14, Dobby jr. who is 13, Cedric who is 15 and last but not the least annoying, Clara who is 10. Of course Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur had to bring their annoying little kids too. Agust is 14 along with Josette who is also 12. The only one that I can stand is Victoire, she's 15 and amazing. Downstairs I can hear some one bickering. Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron must have arrived. Of course Uncle Ron will let Aunt Hermione win the argument because he just adores her completely. Love is so stupid, I'll never fall in love. They only have two annoying kids, Rose who is 13 and Hugo who is 10.

Someone is humming softly, so I open my eyes. To my surprise it's Victoire sitting next to me.

"Oh good, you're awake. We wouldn't want to deliver you to Hogwarts sleeping, mais oui?" With a start I sit up and look up at the clock. Only 45 minutes left before we leave?! I barely have any time to get ready, I gotta hurry!

"Thanks a lot for waiting for me Victoire!" As I'm darting out the door Victoire grabs me with one of her slim arms.

"Lily, just so you know Noire is really sorry, she honestly didn't mean to hit you with the door. You should go talk to her. After all you're both starting at Hogwarts together" Victoire's eyes are pleading with me. In the corner of my eye I can see the clock ticking, I need to get out of here fast.

"Ok, ok. I'll talk to her… soon." We both knew I probably wouldn't but she let me go anyway.

Running through the hall I bump into someone. Oh yay, it's Noire. From the look on her face I can tell that what she wants to tell me is important, she probably wants to "apologize".

"Don't bother apologizing. Since it'll be a lie I don't wanna hear it." In my opinion being harsh with her isn't even close to what she deserves.

"What?!" The look of incredulousness on her face does take me by surprise a bit. Then again though she's had years to practice lying.

"Lily, why on Earth would I apologize to you? Ever since we could talk I've tried to apologize and be nice to you, to show you that I'm not at all like my grandfather. But you NEVER believe it! You always think that just because I am a Malfoy I am fake! When in fact it's not at all me who is fake but YOU!" The sharpness in her voice is something that I have never heard form her before and look, she's even managed to fake a few tears. It's only after I've processed what she looks like that I take in what she said. Oh no she did NOT say that.

"NOIRE MALFOY!" In the corner of my eye I see Albus and Scorpius peek their heads out into the hall the watch. I'm in too much of a rage to care really.

" HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE _ME_ OF BEING _FAKE_! ALL MY LIFE I'VE TRIED TO MAKE YOU MALFOY SCUM WELCOME IN OUR LIVES" Now I can see Victoire watching us too.

"BUT YOU MALFOYS WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE! YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THE SAME OLD STUCK UP ARROGANT _SLYTHERINS!"_ Her mask of innocence is slipping, now I can see the monster that lies underneath. Oh man she has fire in those eyes. Though before she can get a word out, Hugo comes running up the stairs out of breath. All eyes turn to look at him, even Noire's.

Panting he finally gets two words out, but boy oh boy how I wish that those two words held a different meaning.

"Teddy's home."


	3. no idea what to name this chapter

( Yes you read it right, in my world of Harry Potter, George and Luna get married. Thanks for reading my story! Oh ya by the way I forgot to say that I don't own any of this it belongs to JK Rowling.)

Those two words made everyone freeze. Sure we all didn't get along but fear has a tendency to unite people. Obviously Teddy was going to try to dictate us again so we'd need a leader before he got here, along with a battle plan. Since none of the idiots with me voiced any plans or opinions I voice mine.

"Ok we clearly need a battle plan and to make a battle plan we need a leader. We need a leader who is smart, smart enough to outsmart Teddy." I pause for a moment to let that sink in with them. Panic is clearly written on all of their faces even James. Once I feel that everyone, especially the little ones and the idiots, have grasped the situation I continue talking.

" I volunteer myself. I have the brains and I am just better than all of you, face it." Surprisingly I didn't get the reaction I needed. Instead James, my older brother who is wise in the ways of all idiocy, surveys our group.

"Ok kids, I have two things to say. One." Before continuing he turns with a look of exasperation at me.

"Lily you are the least suitable out of ALL of use here to lead. Even Clara could lead us better." Here he momentarily pauses to smile at Clara. While he's doing that I am quietly seething. Doesn't he KNOW how great I'd be at leading?! I mean it's literally in my blood. Harry Potter is my FATHER and sure I have brothers but for goodness sakes, they are a bunch of BOYS! What enrages me more is the fact that the morons AGREE with him!

"Number two." Oh right I forgot, the imbecile had more ridiculous points.

"I honestly don't understand what all of you are afraid of. We don't need a 'battle plan' to handle a boy. I grew up with him, I know how he operates. Just keep your heads down and you won't need to defend yourselves." Under his breathe he mutters something about how kids these days are impossible. By now all of my so called 'loving' cousins are looking at him with admiration, their heads bobbing up and down in agreement. Then Victoire, VICTOIRE my ally in this sorry excuse for a family, goes beside him.

"I agree with 'arry. Teddy is a bad kid but just stay out of his way, we're leaving in like 20 minutes anyways so just go get ready to go" With that she walks away. The rest of us look at each other. I don't for long because unlike them I have better things to do with my life.

I would have loved to just finish packing and prepare my ravishing face in privacy, like I would have if I was at home, but I had forgotten that I was sharing a room with Clara, Lucy, Josette and none other than Noire. Almost seconds after I 'd reached my, excuse me OUR, room Lucy and Josette came in. I would have stayed except all they ever talk about are the cute guys at Hogwarts and who they'd love to snog. So instead of staying I take my creams and lotions to the bathroom where I can at least get some privacy.

The only thing not amazing about me is the fact of my face. Merlin's beard I look like my mother. It's not that I'm drop dead gorgeous and my mom's not that far from being that either. It's the fact that I look like a Weasley. My red hair goes down past my shoulder and stops about halfway down my chest. And I have freckles, FRECKLES! Though they're not really obvious, that's besides the point. One of the few things are not completely Weasley are my eyes. They are a deep amber. I know what you're thinking, amber eyes?! She's crazy! Yes it's true, my eyes are amber I dunno why but ya, it's true. It's no fair that Albus and James got the Potter looks. Sure Albus's hair is a really dark amber but that is really hard to see on him! Though I'm sure that no matter what I'm going to be the heartthrob for all those wizards at Hogwarts.

As I'm leaving I hear Dad arguing. Strange, I just realized that the arguing I heard earlier might not have been Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione in fact I don't think they're even here yet. Obviously what ever dad's arguing about and who its with is something he doesn't want us to hear. Of course though I am much more mature than even the eldest of our cousins. I don't consider it eavesdropping, it's listening to what I should rightfully know. I peep around the corner to see a very odd scene. Dad is standing in the middle of the hall with his arms crossed and with him is the person he is obviously arguing with. To my surprise I realize that I have no idea who this woman is, she's not even vaguely familiar. I brush it off, she's probably just a peddler trying to sell dad something, or get his autograph. Upstairs I hear mum yelling that it's time to go, but just before I slip off I hear dad say something odd.

" Yes you gave me a house to live in, but you never gave me a home." With his back turned to me dad watches the woman leave. After she leaves he looks at the door for awhile. Taking this as a great moment to slip away without being spotted I run upstairs to grab my trunk. As mum's ushering us out the door I watch dad, he seems to be a little out of it. I hope that he's better when we get to the train. I mean when everyone sees that my dad is Harry Potter I don't want him to be all moppy and stuff. Parents can be so embarrassing.

~Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!


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